Step 6 in the Shine Out method is Self-attunement and self-attunement is self-harmony. This is where you start to think about your ability to balance things. You need to have yourself and your life in harmony.
Harmony means that there is a balance. Again, I believe can relate back to our childhood but in a slightly different way. Your birth order can affect the level of harmony that you have within yourself and your life. I was raised as an only child with my mum, and if you are like me, you will think that you are responsible for yourself. I think about doing everything by myself and my husband often reminds me “I’m here”. I know this, but I am so used to doing things by myself for myself.
If you are the eldest child, then you will likely have had a lot of responsibility for others. Not only do you think about doing things for yourself but you also think about doing things for other people. You’ve possibility been responsible for younger siblings and are probably quite bossy as a result. Middle children can quite often feel overlooked and neglected, leading to a struggle to find their voice. Sometimes getting lumped with the ‘skivvy’ jobs that an older sibling doesn’t want to do.
As the youngest child, you may be waiting for others to do things for you. Typically the youngest child is usually told what to do and used to others doing things for them so can lack a sense of responsibility. Parental messages can impact your self-attunement. My mum always used to tell me to “hurry up, hurry up” and my stubborn response was to take my time. Now my husband does the same thing and it drives me crazy, but I’ve learned that I’m slower and am educating him on that.
Naturally, I am someone that takes a bit longer. I know that it takes me a good one hour and ten minutes to get ready in the morning, and if I want to have harmony and balance, then I need to give myself that time so there’s no unnecessary stress or rushing at the start of my day.
Perception and reality can be two different things
Why do we get out of balance? Quite often, we struggle with our time because you think that you need to try, try and try. You feel the need to be perfect, and this takes time. Identifying the cause of stress is critical to finding balance. There is something called stress recovery balance. Being stressed can be okay if you get enough recovery.
Poor management of our time is a major source of our stress. Where are you spending most of your time? Self-attunement governs our wellbeing. Without finding a way to balance and achieve harmony, you will be unable to sustain success. If you find yourself thinking you don’t have enough time, it’s code for not having enough of a team or an indication of a lack of delegation. Many of ambitious women struggle to say no so take on too much. Then there’s the other issue of prioritising what we have to do.
Life can and will get out of balance because that’s how it often is. However, when you are aware of the importance of self-attunement you can choose to down tools and do something relaxing and/or enjoyable.
Not every day, week or month is going to be a balanced day. That’s life. It’s about recognising when you’ve swung too far in one direction and redressing that. Having goals is vital as is building balance into your goals. Set goals for the roles in your life.
How can you create a greater balance in life? Assess your stress and recovery to see if it’s healthy and sustainable. Identify the issues that cause major stress in your life and look for ways to lessen the stress. Lastly, assess and find a way to manage your time effectively.
Create your goals and plan your weeks. Review your plan on a daily basis and think about what you want to achieve each week.
It is about examining your life and living a balanced life that works for you. Having harmony that empowers you to live the life you want to. The key self-attunement is to review your effectiveness. How effective are you? If you don’t get this right then you will burn out or suffer from stress related illnesses and lack energy. Let’s get this stress recovery balance right.
Identify these causes and act accordingly
Here I encourage you to record when you feel at your best and worst throughout the day and then over a period of days and weeks you will see a pattern forming. Then, plan your time based on your understanding. Do the most challenging things when you feel at your best because you have the energy to do it and the least challenging when you feel at your worst. That’s wisdom and it will lead to greater wellbeing and sustainable success.
Next time I’ll share how to build upon self-attunement with self-communication.
Until then, take care